Beyond Goodbye: Navigating Grief Through Life’s Losses

Grief extends far beyond death. It encompasses any significant loss, whether it’s the end of a relationship, a career change, or health challenges. As a student counsellor, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing people navigate the different stages of grief, and while each path is unique, certain emotional experiences are common.

The Stages of Grief: A Framework to Understand Your Emotions

The stages of grief, first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, serve as a helpful framework. While grief is not linear and can involve revisiting stages, understanding these phases can help us navigate the emotional rollercoaster of loss.

1. Denial

Denial is often the first reaction to loss. In this stage, you may feel numb or disconnected, unable to fully process what has happened. Your mind may protect you from the intensity of the emotions by resisting the reality of the situation. During this time, small, grounding routines such as simple activities like walking, journaling, or practicing deep breathing can help reconnect you with your emotions at a pace that feels safe. Give yourself the space to absorb the loss slowly, without the pressure to "snap out of it."

2. Anger

As the reality of the loss begins to sink in, anger can arise. This anger may be directed outward, toward others, or inward, directed at yourself for things you feel you could have done differently. It’s important to express this anger constructively, whether through physical activities like running or yoga, or by writing in a journal. Anger is often a sign of deep hurt, so try to practice self-compassion. Give yourself permission to feel upset without blaming yourself for experiencing this emotion. Talking with a trusted friend or counsellor can also provide an outlet for these intense feelings.

3. Bargaining

In this stage, you might find yourself trying to negotiate with yourself or others, thinking “If only I had done this differently…” or “I’ll change if I can just get things back to how they were.” While bargaining is a way of avoiding the pain, it’s essential to shift your focus to what is within your control. Instead of dwelling on what you can't change, think about small, actionable steps you can take for your well-being, such as setting new goals or embracing self-care routines. Reframing these thoughts with a focus on personal growth, rather than reversing the loss, can be a powerful way to move forward.

4. Depression

Depression can feel like an overwhelming weight, where the sadness and despair seem all-encompassing. During this stage, you may want to withdraw or isolate yourself, and it may feel hard to find joy in daily activities. It’s important to allow yourself to experience these emotions without judgment. Reaching out for support during this time can make a significant difference. Whether it’s talking to a friend, family member, or counsellor, having someone to help carry the emotional load can provide comfort. Additionally, taking small actions like maintaining a basic routine like eating, sleeping, or engaging in light activities can help restore a sense of normalcy. Self-care, even in the smallest ways, is vital in this stage.

5. Acceptance

Acceptance doesn’t mean being “okay” with the loss, but rather, coming to terms with it. It’s the stage where you begin to find peace with the reality of your new life, even though it may look very different from before. As you move through this stage, you can start to find meaning in the loss and discover new ways of living with it. Rebuilding your sense of purpose might involve exploring new hobbies, connecting with others who share similar experiences, or simply allowing yourself to adapt to life’s changes. It’s about integrating the loss into your life in a way that enables you to continue moving forward, even as you honour what’s been lost. You might find peace by continuing to share stories about your loved one with others who were close to them.

Grieving Through Transitions and Relationships

Grief doesn’t only follow death. It accompanies transitions such as breakups, career shifts, or changes in health. These losses may not always be visible to others, but they carry deep emotional weight and deserve to be acknowledged. Recognising that grief can also stem from these intangible losses can help people process their emotions and find healing, even when the grief feels less defined.

Navigating Your Grief Journey

Grief is not something to “fix” or rush through. It’s a personal and often transformative journey that requires patience and self-compassion. If you’re struggling with any kind of loss, counselling can provide a supportive space to process your feelings. Remember, you don’t have to go through it alone. With time, understanding, and support, you can move through grief and emerge stronger, more resilient, and more connected to your inner self.

Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2014). On grief and grieving: Finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss. Scribner.

If you or someone you know are struggling with grief / loss and need someone to talk to or help you through these stages, book in a free call with a counsellor to discuss your next steps. This can be a massive help in navigating the grief.

Written By: Gayle Dolgoy

Reviewed By: Chantelle Gagachis