Tips on Supporting Someone Through Grief

What to Say and Do

Grief is a universal human experience and yet, so many of us feel unsure or even afraid when it comes to supporting someone who's grieving. We don’t want to say the wrong thing. We worry we’ll upset them. Sometimes, that discomfort leads us to stay silent or pull away altogether when people need the most support.

As a provisional counsellor, I often hear people say, “I just didn’t know what to say,” or “I was afraid to bring it up in case it made them feel worse.” These reactions are completely human, but silence and avoidance can make grief feel even lonelier.

The truth is, your presence more than your words is often the most healing offering you can make. But there are ways to show up thoughtfully, to communicate with empathy, and to avoid unintentionally adding to someone's pain.

What You Can Say (and What to Avoid)

1. Acknowledge the Loss

Simple and heartfelt acknowledgments can go a long way:

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.”

“I’m here if you want to talk—or if you don’t.”

It’s okay to admit you don’t know what to say. Trying to “fix” the pain or searching for silver linings can feel dismissive, even if well-intentioned.

2. Avoid Clichés

Phrases like:

“They’re in a better place.”

“At least they lived a long life.”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“At least they are not suffering anymore’.

These statements might be meant to comfort but often leave the grieving person feeling misunderstood. Grief is not a problem to be solved, it’s a process to be supported.

3. Use the Person’s Name

If it feels appropriate, talk about the deceased by name. Share a memory if you have one. It reminds the bereaved that their loved one is not forgotten.

What You Can Do

1. Show Up in Tangible Ways

Grief can be exhausting. Offering specific, practical help is often more supportive than a general, “Let me know if you need anything.” Try:

• Bringing meals or groceries

• Offering childcare or pet-sitting

• Helping with errands or housework

• Just sitting with them in quiet company

• Cheeking in on them and making time for them.

Ask permission before taking action—but don’t underestimate the value of small, consistent gestures.

2. Listen Without Trying to Fix

Create space for the person to talk, if they want to. Let them express sadness, anger, confusion, or even moments of laughter without judgment. You don’t need to guide the conversation or offer advice. Just being there and listening can be incredibly powerful.

3. Remember Important Dates

Grief doesn't end after the funeral. Mark anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays in your calendar. A text, call, or card around those times can offer comfort and let the person know they’re not alone in their remembrance.

Supporting Grief Over Time

Be mindful that grief isn’t linear. Some days will feel okay; others will feel unbearable—even years later. Your ongoing presence matters. Check in periodically, and don’t assume someone is “over it” just because they look okay on the outside.

If your loved one seems to be really struggling, unable to function day-to-day, withdrawing completely, or experiencing prolonged depression, encouraging them to connect with a counsellor or GP can be a gentle but important step.

A Final Word

Grieving people don’t need us to take away their pain. They need us to sit with them in it, to offer compassion without condition, presence without pressure, and love without agenda.

Being there for someone who is grieving doesn’t require the perfect words. It requires being willing to show up, to listen, and to hold space for whatever they’re feeling. That, in itself, is a profound act of care.

Resources for Supporters and Carers

If you're supporting someone who is grieving, you're not alone. These trusted Australian services offer practical advice and emotional support:

Griefline – For Supporters

Website: griefline.org.auGriefline provides a free support line and helpful resources for carers, including:

• Articles like “How to support a grieving friend”

• Tools for managing your own wellbeing while offering support

• Online forums and self-guided grief resources

Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement (ACGB)

Website: grief.org.auACGB offers:

• Fact sheets and articles for families and supporters

• Webinars and programs on understanding grief