What About Me? Caring for a Loved One With An Eating Disorder

Carers of loved ones with eating disorders naturally put their loved ones first. But what happens when carers burn out? Recovery from an eating disorder is often a tough journey, full hope but also many setbacks. Carers will understandably have days (or weeks or months!) when they feel exhausted, that their tanks are empty, and that they just need a break.

“But it’s not about me”, I often hear carers say. My response is often hard to hear and always true – carers are human too. Carers are just as deserving of support as they journey alongside their loved ones, supporting them through the rollercoaster ride that is eating disorder recovery.

The old airplane adage applies here – you must put your oxygen mask on first, before you can help others. You cannot care for others from an empty tank. You need to constantly nurture and nourish yourself, so that you have the energy and compassion to care for others. You must be selfish to be selfless.

Easier said than done? Absolutely! Here are some ideas on where to start.

Self-care. Yes, that oft thrown about thing! Self-care doesn’t need to be fancy or fluffy. It can look like going for a walk or run, watching a movie, cleaning or gardening, eating something yummy and/or nutritious, doing a breathing exercise, or catching up with a friend.

Get educated. Learning about eating disorders can be empowering. There is plenty of accessible, evidenced-based information (e.g., Eating Disorders Families Australia) to help you better understand and care for your loved one. Learning about how eating disorders develop, why they are hard to recover from, and what to say and do for your loved one (and what not to say and do!) can help you journey with your loved one rather than feeling like you’re always butting your head against the proverbial wall.

Self-compassion. Carers may feel under pressure to get everything right and do everything right, especially if they are the parent of person with an eating disorder. You may feel lost, out of control, and helpless. The truth is – you’re not alone. The person you are caring for is feeling the same (even if their eating disorder promises a false sense of control). Neither you nor your loved one are expected to navigate this alone or perfectly. There is beauty and growth in journeying (and stumbling) together.

Talk to someone. It’s ok not to be ok and it’s ok to tell someone you’re not ok. Whether it’s a friend, family member, group of other carers (again, check out Eating Disorders Families Australia), or a health professional, you deserve space to share, explore, and process your feeling and thoughts on this journey.

Reach out to me for counselling if you’d like to explore some ideas more specific to you and your very deserving needs. Because sometimes it is about you!

Resources

·      https://butterfly.org.au/ - National Helpline (call, webchat, or email) for individuals and carers impacted by eating disorders.

·      https://edfa.org.au/ - Resources and individual & group support for families and carers of those living with an eating disorder.

·      https://eatingdisorders.org.au/ - Resources and support for individuals, families, and carers in Victoria impacted by eating disorders.

·      https://nedc.com.au/ - Resources and a service location for health professionals and treatment programs across Australia.

·      https://feast-ed.org/ - Resources for caring for someone with an eating disorder.

·      https://www.1800medicare.gov.au/ - Free 24/7 helpline providing health advice and help locating local health services from registered nurses.

Written By: Leanne Storey

Reviewed By: Chantelle Gagachis